From an early age I knew I was fat. Kids on the playground made sure I knew. Kids on the bus made sure I knew. Teachers made sure I knew. I only had to look at my family to know I came by it honestly, but the truth was still really painful. I would fake sick on PE days, especially when it came to running around the track. One of my most vivid memories was when the PE teacher would pull out the little four-wheeled scooter boards for relay races. The idea was to sit on the boards (probably 18″ square) and push each other from one side of the gym to the other. No one wanted to push me because I would tip over. I would go home and take the evening paper and fold it into an 18″ square and practice sitting on it until I could make sure I was balanced perfectly and not fall off.
I suffered the usual; picked last for all sports and loathed field day. I was aware. I was anxious. How did I cope? Food. I learned at an early age food didn’t remind me I was fat. Food was my self-medication. Food was a constant. I was in control. The food buried the pain, for a while.
I asked for help a few times and heard odd responses. One family doc told me not to worry, “if there was a famine, you’d survive”. Another family doc just suggested trying different diets until one worked. I chose to wait for famine.
As life threw different curve balls my way I coped with food. Dodged other addictions but clung to food. Got through the end of my first marriage with my best friends, Ben & Jerry. Strawberry cheesecake never let me down!
Thankfully my sister convinced me to join Weight Watchers prior to her wedding in 2007 and we clung to each other while dropping pounds, learning to run, and training for events. I lost 80 lbs in three years and walked down the aisle at my own wedding to marry Jim between doing a triathlon and training for a half marathon.
Did I mention I still hated exercise? A comedian, John Pinette, jokes about his mantra on the elliptical trainer, “Ravioli-then a nap, ravioli-then a nap.” That sums it up for me. I trained so I could eat. Long runs meant big dinners with dessert. I could eat until the void was full.
Then I trained myself to injury and I started a new job and the training stopped but the calories didn’t. The self-medicating was never addressed. The pounds came back. . . and back…and back.
So here I am. Forty-three and back to my highest weight. I can’t blame baby weight (we adopted). I recovered from my running injury (PT and core strengthening). I can’t blame fast-food or processed food since I’m in charge of the menu and grocery shopping and I employ a lot of Weight Watchers techniques which worked before. It comes down to finding real and realistic solutions for mind, body, and soul. This will be an all out attack on fat.
The motivation? Two years ago Jim had his first of two minor strokes. All the doctors were adamant weight loss be a major effort. Jim wanted a year to accomplish weight loss employing diet and exercise modification. I supported him and championed the diet component. As we are all adults however, I knew this was his to own and I could only support and encourage.
After twelve months of nominal results we agreed it was time to consider a more aggressive program. We did research and attended a bariatric surgery seminar at our local hospital. We both came away feeling encouraged and open to the possibility. We found out our medical insurance wouldn’t cover it but another benefit plan offered by Jim’s employer would so we decided to wait for open enrollement, make the change, and follow up in a year.
We talked a lot about the lifestyle change ahead of us over the next few months. The surgery was never far from our thoughts and we introduced it and reinforced it with those closest to us. We knew this would be a big shift and may elicit both negative and positive feedback. Clearly, emotions run high in regard to food and fat in our culture. We both come from families which celebrate food. Almost all gatherings focus around food and we come from a long line of obesity. This could easily tip the emotional paradigm.
Open enrollment came and we made the necessary changes. Northwest Weight Loss Surgery reached out and scheduled our consultation. Our new year began with an intake and sit down with Dr. Chock, our surgeon. She highly recommended we both do the gastric sleeve procedure and felt we were solid candidates for what the center could offer. We left the office hopeful, scheduled for a lot of appointments, and a bit blurry-eyed with the prospect of having a permanent weight-loss solution.
wuzzie14 